‘Rona Retrospectives: #Ballgate
A nostalgic tribute to when Nicki Minaj, swollen testicles and the Jibby Jab collided.
There are many fine folk doing a fantastic job writing about the current Covid predicament we find ourselves in. I’m not one of them: conspiracy theorising about fake orange antichrists and lunar soul traps is far more enjoyable.
But I don’t wanna let the team down/fade into ‘Rona-dissident irrelevance completely, so I feel obliged to continue providing some sort of ongoing contribution until the psy-op finishes fully unraveling.
So, I tentatively propose a new series: ‘Rona Retrospectives, where we take nostalgic glances back to simpler time when we were still unaware of the depths of The Germ Conspiracy.
It could be a series. Or, perhaps, I just wanted an excuse to remind the world about #Ballgate.
It started with this simple tweet on September 13.
What do we make of the numerologically encoded 4.44pm timestamp? Is it proof that a new psy-op was afoot — perhaps hastily concocted to distract from another round of public 9/11 red pills? Or: is Nicki indeed as Bad a Bitch as she proclaims, trolling the Germ Conspiracists with their own medicine, and deserving of being remembered as one of the true celebrity VIPs of the pandemic?
Things escalated quickly, such that it was only a matter of days before the sublime #Ballgate hashtag was trending, and a generation of black, twerk-leaning females were red pilled about the Jibby Jab.
Apologies for the quality, these are screenshots straight from my lit instagram stories
While it is easy to be cynical about such celebrity moments — are they really anything except public loosh-harvesting events? — Nicki did go in pretty, um, hard.
SPILL THE BEANS NICKI
RIP SHARLENE YOU FKNG GOOF
Simulation collapse appeared imminent: suddenly, god-fearing white dudes began cheering on the black rapper with the most famous badonkadonk in pop music who lays claim to this eye-watering flow:
“Wrist icicle, ride dick bicycle
Come through yo, get you this type of blow
If you wanna menage, I got a tricycle”
Menage/Minaj, gettit?
Thus, mission presumably accomplished, it was not surprising that Minaj pulled out (sorry) fairly quickly.
And then, suddenly, sublimely, #Ballgate went full Qtard — and suddenly, even if just for a fleeting moment, it seemed like everything might turn out ok.
