The Germ Simulation

Written By Isaac Middle

An offering for Covid-Dissident Peace before things get really wild.

The Pandemic, while not without its challenges, has been a blast for conspiracy-leaning, health freedom-orientated folk: let’s be honest (finished with your I Told You So’s yet?). 

Personally, I’ve loved it, right from the first lockdown: I found it hilarious that the world was shutting down over a shitty Chinah Virus, and welcomed the opportunity for everyone to have a bit of free time to stop and realise we are governed by reptilians. It certainly provided the catalyst to make profoundly positive changes to my life: including but not limited to my descent into conspiratorial terrain theory (i.e. The Germ Inversion). 

Turns out: I am basically autistic when it comes to germs — my identity as a writer began in earnest when I realised how easy (and fun, although not at first) it was to trigger people who were fearful of (Oriental) germs, and were consequently buying this bollocks wholeheartedly. 

I swear it your Honour: I never actually set out to be a deliberately provocative, germ-baiting smart-ass; the role found me, and I’m generally up for a challenge — hence thinking it would be a fun idea to run for politics as a terrain theorist.

However, and I know I’m not the first to say this (although perhaps not quite in these words), but: fuck this psy-op. I thought I had the stomach to stick around for the Nuremberg 2.0: Germ Conspiracist edition — Lethal Injections for the lethal injectors etc. — but we all get humbled at some point hey. 

I have been on this path for a while, starting in earnest with my separation from the Biolab/Bioweapon narrative: which, while undoubtably difficult and painful, was ultimately redeemed by my Coldplay tribute that I absolutely nailed.

So, to create some sort of spiritual contract with myself down the line when I will inevitably get tempted back: this blog, Down the Wombat Hole, herby declares it will be redirecting its creative energies away from the ‘Rona narrative that continues and, we must assume, will continue interminably (more on why it will continue interminably shortly). 

Please know that — just like when I tapped out of the Biolab narrative (because it requires not only the existence of contagious pathogenic biological entities, but more specifically because it reinforces the imaginary belief these deranged Germ Conspiring psychopaths in lab coats have that they have the power to hack nature and weaponise said entities) — this is no easy decision: I have 8 different ‘Rona burrows open at the moment, after all. 

In case you were wondering:

The key exception to this declaration (of course I’m giving myself loopholes) is my Coronaspiracy series: whose intention is to reframe the ‘Rona shenanigans into its broader spicy conspiratorial framework. Ever wondered what asshole planted the spiritual seed for this Plandemic? Wonder no more.

I could also be tempted to make my recent ‘Rona Retrospective into an ongoing series — it could be a fun and necessary relief from military tribunals — although #Ballgate does sit pretty well by itself.

Anyway, that’s far too much gratuitous self-promotion. As a final contribution to the community, I present a path forward — walked in an unlikely peace — between the Biolabists and Terrain Theorists. I have already tried this once before, although looking back now I can see how it was a bit too passive aggressive to be considered a true olive branch.

Ok, that really was the last link. 

Here we go: an attempt to explain why belief in contagious pathogenic viruses is equally as valid as denying contagious pathogenic viruses DESPITE THE FACT that contagious pathogenic viruses have not (and presumably will never be, they’ve had long enough) observed as occurring at a biological level within nature.

Wait, what? 

Welcome to The Germ Simulation. 

If I could summarise my understanding of the virus isolation debate in a sentence, it would be this: proof of the Things we have named and accepted as distinct biological virus entities result from the contamination and poisoning of human tissue in a test tube — often with the additional “help” of computers.

Thus, regardless of whether you think this methodology facilitates sufficient evidence of existence or not, the following statement remains true: the only medium within which a virus has — and one might presume can only — be found is an artificial one.

If contagious pathogenic viruses don’t exist in nature, where do they exist? In a computer, obviously. You can probably see where I am going with this.

If we, theoretically, lived in an artificial construct, it would be entirely possible for the programmers of that construct — The Germ Simulators — to insert viruses for Demiurge-knows what reasons. 

They would have been inserting viruses since the earliest recorded history of when they took over the records: giving them fancy and serious sounding names, understanding the conditions that they best spread in, the types of software that seemed most vulnerable to being infected.

They would do all this — Germ Simulations within a Germ Simulation — before the big one: the one that would so infiltrate the construct that it would cease to remember life without the Virus.

Thinking logically, the programmers would probably hold a gathering, just beforehand, to plan out how to best introduce the Virus into the construct — make sure all those fine details, those bugs in the script, are ironed out. 

They would determine the best entry point, the best App perhaps (is it racist to call China an App?), where they could have most control over the subsequent viral spread. 

They would time the release and spread of the Virus to cause maximum damage, specifically to this rogue Orange errant who was unexpectedly but humorously threatening to collapse the construct (but who, in a masterful plot twist, had already been pre-programmed to become the Germ Conspiracist-in-Chief).

They would direct and control the Virus, through their previously planted Agent Smiths, activating various Germ-Inverting Sim archetypes throughout the Simulation: the clever lab-coat wearers, the pretty talking faces, the ugly rule makers, the ghoulish rule enforcers. 

Some areas of the construct would be hit hard — and hit early, mamamia — but for others, they would have to wait: the Virus would instead slowly fester, menacingly, one plane trip, one hand shake, one sniffle — so that when it finally arrived, it would be welcomed, almost in relief and gratitude (the nervous anticipation was a thing to behold, Downunder in the Lucky Covid Country).

Various real, physical, perhaps even biological pathogenic agents would also be introduced (or accelerated), adding to the effect: through food and water, in the air, in our frequencies. And, finally, through the inversion of medicine itself.

And thus, the purpose of the Simulation becomes clear: an official Firewall to the Virus, which in fact only adds to the spread of the Simulated infection, will be “offered”. 

The central scenario of every Germ Simulation that is being tested? How best can we get the Sims to Simulate the Virus themselves, without the need for programmers. 

And here we are.

All of this happened, and continues to, without the need for a biological virus. Nonetheless, we get to the central dilemma of our Simulation: people got sick — sick to an intensity most had never experienced before — and, most importantly, they got sick together. 

Did you get sick from a biological virus transmitted to you by another human? I couldn’t possibly tell you what to believe.

This is what I believe. The only time I have been sick within the last 3 years was in the second-last week of an election campaign: after three weeks of posture-crippling road trips, of high anxiety and stress, of public speaking and exposure, of constant phone use, of deteriorating eating habits, of participating in a social ritual that I had previously denounced. I had never been more in need of a holistic detox, and that is exactly what it felt like I went through. 

In the end, it is up to our own perception. You might see the fact that the majority of my group also got sick in this 2 week period as proof of transmission. I might see it as proof that it was just our necessary punishment — or our collective just rewards — for engaging in the construct of the Germ Simulation. 

Regardless of your specific views on the nature and existence of biological viruses, one thing we can all agree on is that the last almost 3 years has seen our society infected with something: something foreign, something invasive, something harmful, something that appears here to stay. 

In fact, you can even argue that the Virus has permeated almost every aspect of our existence: it is in our politics, it is in our media, it is in our entertainment, it is in our language. All of these, it would be fair to say, feel increasingly like programmed scripts. 

Which begs the question: does the virus exist in Nature? I guess that depends on whether you believe Nature is part of the Simulation. 

Either way, The Germ Simulation suggests we have been looking at it the wrong way. Viruses don’t come from Nature… they come for it: to infect it, to attack it, to invert it.

The best part? We are the real Firewall. 

Isaac Middle
Next

The Germ Inversion Finale: The Pleomorphic Mystery