A Tale of Two Cuomos
What does the future hold for the risky-business Governor of the Empire State?
Andy you saucy minx
So, to lighten the mood of all the conspiracy stuff, I feel like we need a bit more celebrity gossip. Scandals!
With Gatesy and the Faucinator seemingly on the way out the door, it is about time the first proper political domino started to fall—I’m talking perp walks and handcuffs here, no mucking around. While Orange Man remains the odds-on favourite, let’s take a look at some value picks down the ticket.
Let’s start with Andrew Cuomo, the Democratic Governor of New York City. He is an interesting guy.
No, really. He once rocked up to a press conference with nipple rings clearly showing through his shirt. Clearly, like: there is literally no way he wouldn’t have known they were showing when he stood in front of the press at said conference. Weird flex for a Governor, but hey — it is New York.
His brother Chris just happens to be a presenter on CNN. I’m sure there is absolutely no potential for nepotistic doings though, don’t worry, he’s a Democrat elite! These people only get to where they are strictly on merit.
Or sometimes affirmation action. But Andy is as white-male-cis as they come baby, as you are about to find out, and he ain’t getting any leg-ups that weren’t already bestowed upon him by his inherited privilege.
Andy is having a rough time at the moment, it must be said. As is becoming a bit of a trend, some of the esteemed white apex males of our world appear to have been living up to their natural role as predators.
Have you heard about those sexual assault allegations, nine and counting? They even have their own Wikipedia page!
Oof Andy. I’ve said this for a few people recently: this ain’t looking good. Are you about to get the Bill Gates sacrificial lamb treatment as well? Satan knows some people need to take the fall for the continuation of The Greater Good. Better some sexual assault gossip take the attention, rather than those nastier kiddie allegations that have been popping up more and more recently.
But that ain’t the half of it. Perhaps we should be a bit more outraged about those nursing home deaths? Why don’t they have their own Wiki page as well?
This is no small matter. In a nut shell:
In March, the Gov gave a directive for nursing homes to receive Covid-19 patients, apparently to free up hospital beds. Classy as ever, he then decided to blame nursing home staff instead when criticised, before lying about the initial directive (yet somehow still maintained positive approval ratings).
Yeh, nah: don’t think those approval ratings are lasting. Now, it seems, Andy was actually covering up the full extent of nursing home deaths in the city, most likely so he could continue to shill his soon to be released book detailing his own magnificent handling of the pandemic.
It all sounds pretty bad, ngl. What a fall from grace this might be for the once Pandemic Daddy, who 12 months ago had middle aged housewives swooning over him — perhaps, with those spicy nips, an easy target for their search for comfort and external stimulation in the face of the brutal shock of Covid reality.
But, hold on. It could all be fake news: another shameless hit job on an upstanding progressive public servant. At times like this it is good to ask the question — a question that perhaps doesn’t get asked enough — what does CNN think? That should be an accurate gauge of the issues we should be outraged about.
Oo lordie, even they have turned on him.
What about Chris, though? Surely owe remains steadfastly flying the Cuomo family flag. Well, not surprisingly, he has recused himself on commenting on sexual assault allegations.
Actually, he was even banned by CNN from commenting on the nursing home allegations! How convenient.
Look, I’m not against a bit of harmless nepotism. I’ve benefited somewhat in my time. Orange Man has basically normalized the practice for all comparable public figures, after all. Give the man credit: no one is as shameless about being shameless as The Don.
So Chris is off the hook on this one. I dare say Andy is about to get what is coming to him, however.
For the Greater Good.