INAUGURAL WHOLESOME ASTROLOGY SOLSTICE SKYCLOCK SPECTACULAR
Tropical vs Sidereal! Moonchilds! Eclipse Omens! Celebrity Deaths Written in the Stars! Pluto Returns! Coldplay and Tay Tay!
GREETINGS FELLOW (STAR)DIGGERS. Boy do I have a treat for you.
It has been roughly a year since my realisation that Astrology was the final burrow of the Wombat Hole: that the real Conspiracy of our realm lies in the Heavens, not on Earth, in other words.
Thus, we (me) embarked upon a hasty and entirely unlikely transition from Conspiratorial Terrain Theorist to Conspiratorial Drumming Astrologer: requiring the application of my over-extensive academic research experience towards the optimistic endeavour of cramming an entire body of Astrological history, theory and practice into a 12 month study period.
For those of you who have stuck with me during this transition period — including that fairly spicy Jubilee detour that, if nothing else, ushered away all of the closet Zionists — here is your reward: a special Southern Hemisphere Summer Solstice Extravaganza of Wholesomely Conspiratorial Astrology content, including content that could convincingly be argued to be altogether non-Conspiratorial!
Consider this a Greatest Hits (U2 1980-1990 rather than U2 1990-2000, ideally) of my first 12 months exploring the expansive universe of Astrology. We will take care of business first, before we get into the spicier material, before finishing with some gratuitously-escapist Celebrity Astrology fit for the whole family. Feel free to skip backwards and forwards as you wish — working through it over the festive period if you feel desired to — but there is a narrative tying it all together.
These are the main topics I would like to explore further in dedicated posts in early 2024 — by early, I mean ideally before April, given (spoiler alert) I’m not 100% confident Western Civilisation is going to survive the upcoming Great American Eclipse/Pluto Return double-header in tact.
Without further ado, and with our Apocalyptic tone appropriately set, let’s dive in!
Harmonising the Heavens: Brief Remarks on the Tropical vs Sidereal Debate
Let me start this diatribe-adjacent section with an example: Moon Square Pluto.
Every Astrologer — regardless of their Astrology, upbringing or partiality to alternate models of Cosmology — knows that Moon-Square-Pluto is a Thing. Its most obvious Keyword Combination is Intense Emotional Conflict; some its most famous practitioners include Jim Morrison, Shia Labeouf, Andrew Garfield and Naomi Watts, who are in the company of what is quite frankly a ridiculously large number of Actors/Actresses/Hollywood creeps.
If Moon Square Pluto is a Thing, why is it a Thing? I would suggest it is because the Moon and Pluto are two distinct Luminaries with two unique harmonic frequencies, sitting at a discordant 90 degree angle across from each other on the part of the Skyclock called the Ecliptic. This produces an Emotional Intensity that consensus society would judge as “lacking in harmony”.
Neil “Oblate Spheroid” DeGrasse Tyson, Elon Musk et al. (brace yourself Heliocentrists, this might sting) would tell you that it is simply a matter of perspective: these two planetary bodies — one in our inner Atmosphere and the other lurking in the deepest depths of the Solar System — are actually in no such spatial arrangement, but produce the same energetic result nonetheless.
I guess that is possible. But which explanation seems most likely? The answer to this question is, in a nutshell, why I am a Geocentrist — and why I would whole-heartedly recommend it to other cosmologically-curious Astrologers.
That is because Astrology (and the nature of our realm) makes far more sense to me when the sky is understood simply as a rotating system of Luminaries — some fixed, some transient — together forming a coherent energetic and time-keeping instrument. I have no further comments to make on our Realm’s true Design, including it’s shape… except to say that I am increasingly leaning towards some sort of Firmament-hybrid Discworld “Turtle Swimming Through Space” Model — if for no other reason that I find it disarmingly comforting and nostalgic.
Now, I understand I am in the minority here, and there is no obligation to leave Heliocentrism at the inviting entrance to the Wombat Hole.
Indeed: I get that this level of attention-to-Creative-Design-detail can turn a tiny bit sinister and even evoke Gnostic Soul Trap vibes — particularly given the current careening trajectory of the Realm in question. But I personally believe it gives everything an extra jolt of purpose, and provides added hope of some method, and meaning, to the madness.
Plus: just think how much of a relief of burden it would be, every time an Astrologer talking about a Planet retrograding backwards across the Skyclock no long needs to add the hasty caveat “REMEMBER IT’S ACTUALLY JUST AN OPTICAL ORBITAL ILLUSION IT’S NOT REALLY MOVING BACKWARDS IT’S ALL ACTUALLY VERY CONFUSING AND COMPLICATED”.
Anyway, for those still here: the point of this digression is that if that is indeed a carefully constructed Skyclock above our heads, the practice of Astrology should be founded around its direct Sidereal observation.
While that may sound like a personal attack on Tropical Astrology, I would like to quickly come to its defence — quite clearly it is real and legitimate: tapping into a tightly programmed and deeply fascinating Simulation Cycle, controlled and dictated by the passage of Sol around the Ecliptic.
That’s why there are 12 equally assigned Signs (indicating the division of the larger Solar cycle by the shorter Lunar cycle); that’s why they can each be conveniently grouped into one of the four Elements (Fire, Earth, Air, Water) and the three Modes (Cardinal, Fixed and Mutable); that’s why there is such a neat and tidy assignment of Rulerships to each of the 12 Signs by each of the 7 Traditional Planets (even if i’m not 100% convinced by Mercury getting Virgo) — why the Signs of the Sun and Moon sit next to each other, why Venus and Mars Signs sit next to but also Oppose each other, why Jupiter and Saturn are saved for the final 4 Signs — it’s because it is all part of what can only be described as an astonishing act of Celestial Craftsmanship.
Sidereal Astrology, which seeks to understand the positions of the transiting Luminaries in relation to each other and the fixed stars “behind” them, is not neat and tidy in the same way as Tropical Astrology. This suggests to me that they are tapping into separate “layers” of programming (Sidereal, I would suggest, the more deeply Archetypal layer).
Indeed, technically: none of these Tropical techniques are relevant to Sidereal practice. Mars rules the Cardinal Fire Sign of Tropical Aries, not the Sidereal Constellation of the Ram and its handful of fixed star systems, in other words (albeit there is obviously still helpful symbolism that can be transferred between the two).
Similarly, we cannot automatically ascribe the significations of the 12 Zodiac Signs in contemporary Tropical Astrology to the Sidereal Constellations that they were originally inspired by. Instead, Sidereal readings should refer more to the history, mythology and symbology of each Constellation and the fixed star systems that comprise them for their Archetypal guidance.
Or, even better, we can also use the Nakshatras: the 27 Lunar Mansions, each formed around a specific fixed star system that track the passage of the Moon over a full Lunar cycle — each occupied by a different Vedic Deity whose mythology reveals the Personality Archetype associated with that star system.
This is now my preferred approach for reading the Personality behind a Natal Chart: not only because these 27 Lunar Archetypes are more specific and colourful than the Signs/Constellations, but because it allows for an act of Neptunian Transcendence above the at-times surprisingly hostile Tropical vs Sidereal debate.
I plan to convince Nakshatra-skeptics in both the Tropical and Sidereal camps that these are the root Zodiacal Archetypes that Astrology should be tapping in to.
And there is a certain Man — The Chosen Orange Man — whose destabilizing role in our collective reality has been foretold and prophesied throughout popular culture to an unparalleled extent, who I believe proves this beyond reasonable doubt.
Orange Moonchild Updates
Indeed: we must now turn to the matter of The Orange Moonchild — an individual whose Astrology does its best to reveal the Simulated nature of our reality to all with the eyes to see.
I feel like I have over-promised and under-delivered so far on this subject. In my defence, the Mythology of the Moonchild may very well lie at the very bottom burrow of the Wombat Hole — the exact Conjunction between Conspiracy and Astrology — and one must attempt to convey such diggings in the most appropriately wholesome medium possible (or, when all else fails, memes).
Luckily, I have roped in my best Substack friend to help with this creative task, and we should have the first instalment out early(ish) in the New Year.
Before then, here is a teaser from the start of my Sunrise Walking Rant up a moderately large hill on Australia’s South West coast.
Bracing for April: Eclipse Omens and Jupiter-Uranus Vibes
No true Solstice Skyclock Spectacular would be complete without alarmist doomsaying predictions about the next 12 months, and no-one takes their alarmist doomsaying predictions more seriously than your humble digging correspondent.
My first attempt at prophesying the future script of The Simulation, using the Shemitah/Jubilee code, wasn’t entirely fulfilled… although, might I suggest, none of us will ever be able to view the timing of the October 7 events through non-conspiratorial eyes.
If I had been more advanced in my Astrological chops, I might have realized that the wash-up to September was a more Celestially-supported time for hijinx — given we would be launching into an eye-wateringly foreboding Eclipse Season, preceded by two of the big boys Squaring up in the Heavens.
To keep the Doomsaying succinct and to the point, let’s focus on the month of April: which may hold the September shenanigans that so many of us were waiting for but which never came.
Why?
ECLIPSE SEASON IS BACK, BABY.
While I am in no doubt this has been said for every single Eclipse Season… this is not just ANY Eclipse Season: the Total Solar Eclipse on April 8 is also the widely prophesied “Great Americ— sorry GREAT AMERICAN ECLIPSE”, wherein the path of the visibly-darkened Sun will trace a path across the United States mainland to intersect the path of the Eclipse that occurred in the first year of the Orange Moonchild’s 4 year reign of Hilarious yet ultimately Profoundly Disappointing Asshollery that literally cut America in half lolz.
Cue ridiculous and seemingly gratuitous symbology and numerology linking the upcoming Great American Eclipse back to the Moonchild.
https://twitter.com/DonnieDarkened/status/1489849466706440192
It needs reminding, even (especially) to myself sometimes, that not everything is about America, and — by extension — the Moonchild. Indeed, what this Eclipse Season most fundamentally represents is an ending of the cycle that was triggered last October, and presumably will offer some form of culmination of those events.
One might hypothesise — as many other in the truther-webz are — of a large scale retaliatory act on Israel and/or the enabling West for the enthusiastic cleansing currently occurring in Gaza. Let’s be honest: such an event(s) is pretty much inevitable (a self-fulfilling, victimhood-enabling prophecy even) and it is only the scale and ramifications of this retaliation that is TBC.
The final piece in this Eclipse Season puzzle is a Conjunction between Jupiter and Uranus in Tropical Taurus/Sidereal Aries, in the vicinity of the Pleiades Constellation that is at the heart of the Nakshatra Krittika (literally: Critique-r — to utilise the power of sharp thoughts and words, distinguishing and dividing that which serves from that which does not).
This seems… promising? Yes, if you want to black pill and hypothesize a post-terror-attack digital crackdown: Jupiter covers deranged fanaticism and Uranus both sudden events and the Internet. Or, alternately, with Jupiter as religious-like cults and Uranus as “space” travel: are we about to get our fake alien invasion, straight outta the Pleiades?
Anyway, at least we can get a fucking break from the unholy Celestial Trinity of Mars, Saturn and Pluto, amirite? I had a play around with some specific times across the 20th, and came up with this spicy looking Kite aspect, formed by the transiting Moon around 6:40pm New York time:
I choose to ignore that exact Moon-Neptune(Mars) Opposition and that exact Sun-Pluto Square and instead choose to acknowledge how pretty that Kite looks
How to prepare?
I just finished a reading for a friend who has this Conjunction within 2 degrees of their Natal Venus, suggesting it might feel particularly personal. I suggested playing around with some Keyword combinations for this Conjunction: Jupiter — Expansion, Hope, Faith and Religion; Uranus — Liberation, Brotherhood, Technology and Sudden Change; and, in this specific case (and which will be different for everyone depending on where this Conjunction occurs in your chart), Venus — Beauty, Love, Desire.
Visualize the ones that serve both ourselves and the collective, and leave the rest.
Astrology and Death: A Case Study of Dolores O’Riordan
One of the most on-the-nose syncs of what history will recall as the “Muslim Terrorists in Handgliders” Eclipse (a worthy peer to our once peerless “Muslim Terrorists with Boxcutters” timeline) was its Celestial alignment with Bibi the Butcher’s Birth Chart — who was also born on a Solar Eclipse that occurred on almost the exact same degree of Sidereal Virgo:
Comparison between The Butcher’s Natal chart (inner blue) and the October Solar Eclipse (outer orange), showing the close alignment of the Sun, Moon and Lunar Nodes — also showing Transiting Pluto exactly Squaring his Natal Sun.
This was not the only Astrological sync up with some of the Simulation’s most famous Actors.
As the Astrology community was bracing for a sharp uptick in the Chosen People vs Human Shields bombardment, what we actually got was the shocking and ritualistic-leaning death of Friends star Matthew Perry: the Astrology of which was then widely discussed after the appropriately-respectful 24 hours or so’s grace was given.
The bathtub drowning is, unfortunately, a repeated motif in the premature passing of the Celeb elite. Another member of this club was Dolores O’Riordan, lead singer of The Cranberries, who was found dead in her London home on the 15th of January 2018. I had just started exploring her chart in October, once I realised that Zombie was the perfect expression of both her own Astrology and the current warmongering climate.
I’m not sure the extent that it was directly inspired by Perry’s case, but I soon got around to looking at Dolores’ Planetary Transits on the day of her untimely death. Cue existential crisis about the fated nature of our feeble mortal lives:
At the start of 2018, Transiting Pluto had moved to within 2 degrees of her Ascendant: shading her life experience with an extra level of intensity and compulsive energy.
The Transiting Lunar Node Axis was close to Opposite her Natal Lunar Node Axis: that is, Transiting Rahu was Conjunct her Natal Ketu in the 7th House, and Transiting Ketu Conjunct her Natal Rahu in the 1st House. We might interpret this as her own individual life path being in opposition to that of the collective.
At the same time, Neptune was approaching an exact Opposition with her Sun (conjunct Venus), after turning Direct a month before — a Polarisation of her Feminine Identity towards Dreams, Fantasy, Deceit, Intoxication, Water (yikes at those last 2).
Transiting Saturn had also been slowly approaching a Square with her Natal Moon — a Harsh Restriction on Emotions — coming within 2 degrees in mid-January. On the 13th of January, Mercury joined Saturn, bringing additional tests to her capacity for Expression and Communication.
On the morning of the 15th of January, while Mercury was still within 2 degrees of Saturn, the Transiting Moon joined both Planets in Squaring her Natal Moon. This Square became exact at roughly 5am London time: Dolores was announced dead at 9:16 am, after being found in her bathtub.
Natal Chart inner blue and Transits outer orange, with key transiting planets circled.
Surviving Pluto
There is a lot to unpack there, which I plan to do with the necessary spiritual context in a future post (suffice to say, for now: further evidence how seriously we are obliged to take Astrology).
Could Dolores O’Riordan have survived this once-in-a-lifetime alignment of intense energies if she had known it was an unavoidable manifestation of her Astrology (assuming she wasn’t a closet Stardigger herself)?
She was openly obsessed with death, including her own, in her music (hello Pluto in the 8th House), and this underlying fatalistic tone was amplified into an ultimately fatal period of her life thanks to a steadily-intensifying Pluto-Ascendant: perhaps the most intensely transformative transit that an individual can experience in their life, and one that only a select group of people will experience (Pluto taking almost 250 years to do its full cycle).
The intensely transformative influence of Pluto is especially relevant right now for the United States (and, hence, the rest of the unconsenting world), which is currently in the midst of its Pluto Return: whereby the Lord of the Underworld returns to its original position in the consensus-accepted Natal Chart for the founding of ‘Murica. This Return began in 2022 under Tropical calculations — synching up almost exactly on February 22 2022, in fact (of course) — however, based on Sidereal Observation, the “real fun” lies ahead of us in 2024
What does the United States look like after this Pluto Return? A complete death and rebirth of the American Dream into a wholly unrecognisable Freedom and Beer-loving Butterfly?
Is Peak-Pluto the final unearthing of the seething racial-cultural-spiritual tensions that have been slowly bubbling to the surface, manifesting as the first Early-Stage-Transhumanism Civil War: whereby consenting Lefties must have an unblemished Jibby Jabbed Status and Righties a Socially Conservative Credit Rating above 66.6% to engage in online hostilities?
Or, in a fairly intense twist (I also have Pluto in the 8th House, for those not following along at home) are we about to witness the figurative (and quite possibly even literal yikes) “Death of the Celebrity”: as the Epstein et. al. timeline finally arrives at some kind of resolution, and the Qtards finally get to say “I Told You So” to an utterly traumatised Normie population?
Ok, enough. Where’s the White Pill?
The Servants of Love: An Introduction to the Celestial Descendants
Our White Pill, and the climax of our Solstice Skyclock Spectacular, comes in the form of Wholesomely un-Conspiratorial Celebrity Astrology.
By far the highlight of my terrain theorist career was this Coldplay-themed video I made as part of my journey towards Consciously Uncoupling from the BioLabLeak ‘Rona Narrative (the scars still haunt me to today, like i’m sure Chris Martin’s do from when he parted ways with Gwyneth Paltrow):
After I had finished with Dolores’ chart, needing some lighter but still nostalgically-British relief, I turned back to Gwyneth’s ex to see what his chart had to offer. And boy, did it deliver:
As you can see in my hastily annotated screen recording, Marto has his Sun EXACTLY conjunct (as in almost to the minute, not just the degree) the line of the Descendant.
The Descendant lies at the opposite polarity of our Ascendant, or Rising Sign: the part of the Natal Chart most fundamentally about “us”: the Self. That makes the Descendant fundamentally about the “other”, or where we find meaning through Relationship to another person. The Descendant is also the cusp between the 6th and 7th Houses, which allows it to be understood as the meeting point, or union, between Service (6th House) and Partnership (7th House). Individuals with Planets here will feel inherently orientated to exploring the act of Devotion, and we see this not only in the relentlessly romantic music of Coldplay, but in many of our most treasured Pop Culture icons.
How many Pop Culture icons? Well, let me present an introduction to the Celestial Descendants: The Servants of Love.
I find this pattern fascinating, and would even go as far as suggesting we might have cracked one of the most crucial Skyclock encodings. IN FACT: I would even go even further by flagging that the provided birth times of some of the most Significant Stars in our Skyclock Simulation seem somewhat suspicious specific.
Wait… suspicious in what way? What are you implying? Was that level of alliteration necessary? Wasn’t this supposed to be Wholesomely un-Conspiratorial?
Ah well… I tried — but Pluto cannot be denied. Happy Solstice, fellow diggers.
